coaching for sensitive people, leaders & couples
Creating shared reality or really getting somebody else’s world, is what Circling is all about. It is so crucial to building deeper connection, that I wanted to write a bit about it this week.
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Recently I have been feeling a lot into ‘why’ I do this work; working with people on creating a deeper connection, a deeper pathway into themselves and others.
I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the shit that is happening in this world, like the other day, when I saw a movie recounting some horrible deeds, and afterwards I found myself staring into nothingness, feeling helpless and frustrated.
In those moments this phrase has been coming up for me strongly. It has been looping in my head like a mantra:
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Lately I am pondering, and writing, about the basic skills that create deeper connection. I like getting into the nitty gritty of what creates connection, and I also love making it simple, to the point where anyone can practise these basic skills whenever they want to.
One of the most simple – and profound – of these skills, is slowing down.
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I was reaching out to people about our upcoming Art of Connection – Amsterdam Circling Weekend and I found myself sharing how these weekends are an excellent opportunity to practise your relational skills for dating and intimate relationships.
That might seem obvious, yet I would love to elaborate a bit on the why of this being a good idea.
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It is summer! And I thought this was an excellent time to write a newsletter about the link between alcohol and (social) connection.
Alcohol has been social lubricant number one since forever, and with summer in full bloom (read: blasting heatwaves here in Amsterdam) I find myself in situations where I need some lubrication. And I am in full investigation into what this does to my levels of connection: feeling connected to myself, and others.
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Ever had this thought: “O I should not judge that person”?
In our current society it is often deemed not okay to judge somebody or something. It can be deeply rooted to not speak whatever we judge somebody for, because wejudge that “not to be okay” or “not done”. (the more spiritual version of that being “that is your stuff, deal with it”)
Yet over and over I have found with myself and clients that fully owning and speaking judgements can be one of the most liberating and alivening things you can do.
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Last week I facilitated a beautiful Art of Connection weekend and one of the things that came up strongly, and that I love working with, is: setting a clear context. A clear context is an important part of what makes Circling into such a powerful relational practice, and it also is a powerful practice in day-to-day […]
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Listening. Really listening. It is a beautiful skill. And yet most of us tend to not listen at all, but wait for a moment to speak. I do it. I know you do it. We all do it.
We get so excited about what we want to share, contribute, that we do not really pay attention to the person in front of us. What they are saying. How they are saying it. How we feel when they are saying it.
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These past weeks I have been struggling. I really went through the ringer, both personally, and in relationship.
And I realised this week (while I am still recovering) that one of the things that got me through it was being really honest about my own experience and communicating it.
Yet there are different ways we can communicate our experience. We can talk about it – reporting – or we can speak from it – revealing.
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What is yours and what is the others’? Where do you end and and the other begins?
How can you balance you sense of self with feeling connected to the other? And how can you balance your needs in relationship with another?
This newsletter is sparked by a question of a friend: how do I not give myself away in connection?
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