When you and I have an interaction, there’s what you do, and there’s my interpretation of it. These are not the same thing. If I don’t check out my interpretation with you and get on the same page, I’m not in relationship with you—I’m only in relationship with myself. Me, my interpretation, and my feelings based on that interpretation. A big pile of me. No room for you. If I want to get back into relationship with you, I’ve got to notice that I’ve gone into interpretation land. I’ve got to return to the land of openness and curiosity. I’ve got to ask you what’s true for you and listen. I’ve got to be more interested in actually knowing you than in being right. ~ Josh Levin
“How did I end up here?”
That is a question I used to ask myself a lot in fights with my ex. How did I end up screaming and yelling, while he was trying to get as far away from me as possible? How come things escalated so quickly, while right before that everything seemed just fine?
Falling out of connection hurts. It is painful. All of a sudden the person you love is miles away, and you feel miles away from your evolved, awesome, powerful self.
The thing is, an intimate relationship tends to be just that: the place that brings out all your stuff, good and bad, light and dark. There is nowhere to hide. Intimacy highlights your relational patterning unlike anything else, and it brings out what is buried and hidden away at other moments (or what you choose to hide at other moments).
So how to be with that in relationship? And how to work with those dynamics in a way that is constructive, capable and loving? By learning some skills. And gaining some awareness.
Supporting people in the process of reconnecting, understanding and deepening their love is something that is very dear to my heart.
You will always get triggered and your partner will always get under your skin at times: that is part of the reason why you are together. Yet it is possible to learn to be with yourself and each other more fully in those moments of upheaval.
If you are in a couple and:
- You keep getting stuck in the same loops;
- You keep ‘falling out of connection’ on a regular basis and you want to learn how to find your way back more quickly;
- You want more connection, trust, love and aliveness in your relationship and you want to know how to get there;
- You want support in seeing your specific relational dynamics more clearly, so you can make conscious choices towards a more satisfying way of relating;
- You want a neutral third party that can see both your points of view;
… come find me.
What I do is not therapy, it is coaching. I offer a neutral viewpoint, will explore with you what happens “all the time” and how that impacts you and your partner.
Our sessions are a practise ground for your relational skills that will add to your toolbox of capacity. Together we will unpack what happens when you get stuck. We will unravel some of the things that happen in those split seconds between ‘fine’ and ‘hell’. There is a lot that happens there, and by gaining awareness you will start gaining more insight into how you operate, and how your partner operates.
This will allow a greater understanding and compassion to unfold between you, and you will be able to relate on a deeper level and find more love for each other. O, and it works wonders for the sexual spark as well..
This is how I work:
I start off every potential coaching relationship with a free no-strings attached intake conversation.
We will take 1,5 to 2 hours together to dive into what is working you, where you want to go and if I can be of support in getting there. You will always get more insight into your world and take away at least one thing you can start working with. People have been wanting to pay me for these free intakes because they got so much value out of them! When we are both a “hell yes” to working together, then we embark on our journey.
I work in the moment – because that is where we can see behaviour and beliefs in action. What I do is not a fixed mould or model, nor a quick fix. We will decipher the way you work, the way you operate, the way you tick. And from there on we will design a process that is tailored to both your needs.
I work with couples for at least 4 months. Transformation takes time, and it is essential to give yourself that time to explore and evolve. We will meet once every 2 weeks for a 1,5 hour session, online or at my coaching space in Amsterdam. In between sessions I am available – for topics that have come up, things you would like to share or if you need support or reflection.
My fee for 4 months is € 1.800,- (including or excluding 21% VAT depending on if you want to invoice through your business).
Would you like to explore further?
“Anke helped us really shift the space we were holding for our relationship. We arrived, uncertain of our future, and after 8 sessions we had worked through our blockages, opened up new ways of being together and communication is better than ever. Anke held a loving space, laughed and cried and celebrated with us. She created an environment where we could talk and listen more openly and compassionately. She enriched our perspectives on our relationship dynamics and how both of us can contribute to changing them to the better.” ~ Deborah Hartmann Preuss & Ilja Preuß