When you and I have an interaction, there’s what you do, and there’s my interpretation of it. These are not the same thing. If I don’t check out my interpretation with you and get on the same page, I’m not in relationship with you—I’m only in relationship with myself. Me, my interpretation, and my feelings based on that interpretation. A big pile of me. No room for you. If I want to get back into relationship with you, I’ve got to notice that I’ve gone into interpretation land. I’ve got to return to the land of openness and curiosity. I’ve got to ask you what’s true for you and listen. I’ve got to be more interested in actually knowing you than in being right. ~ Josh Levin

“How did I end up here?”

That is a question I used to ask myself a lot in fights with my ex. How did I end up screaming and yelling, while he was trying to get as far away from me as possible? How come things escalated so quickly, while right before that everything seemed just fine?

Falling out of connection hurts. It is painful. All of a sudden the person you love is miles away, and you feel miles away from your awesome, powerful self.

The thing is, an intimate relationship tends to be just that: the place that brings out all your stuff, good and bad, light and dark. There is nowhere to hide. Intimacy highlights your relational patterning unlike anything else, and it brings out what is buried and hidden away at other moments.

So how to be with that in relationship? And how to work with those dynamics in a way that is constructive, capable and loving? By gaining awareness about the patterns that hijack your relationship, by untangling the knots that keep you both away from the connection you desire, and by learning how to navigate these moments differently.

You will always get triggered and your partner will always get under your skin at times: that is part of the reason why you are together. Yet it is possible to learn to be with yourself and each other more fully in those moments of upheaval.

If you are in a couple and:

• You keep getting stuck in the same loops;
• You keep ‘falling out of connection’ on a regular basis and you want to learn how to find your way back more quickly;
• You want more connection, trust, love and aliveness in your relationship and you want to know how to get there;
• You want support in seeing your specific relational dynamics more clearly, so you can make conscious choices towards a more satisfying way of relating;
• You want a neutral third party that can see both your points of view;

… come find me.

As a Coach and EFT (emotionally focussed therapy) Therapist I will  offer a neutral viewpoint and will explore with you what happens “all the time” and how that impacts you and your partner.

Together we will unpack what your specific patterns are and what happens in those split seconds between “fine” and “hell”. By slowing down we will gain insight into how you both operate, and why. This will help you understand yourself – and your partner – better. From there, step by step, we will slowly create more space for trust, safety, understanding and love to be able to arise again.

This is how I work:

We start with a first session to get to know each other. Together we will explore what is going on in your relationship, where you want to go and if I can be of service in getting you there. You can book your first session via Calendly, or reach out to me and we’ll set it up.

When we are a good fit we will continue working together. Experience teaches that couples need at least 8 sessions. Learning about your dynamics and practising new things is a vulnerable process, and it takes time. It is a gift to both of you, and your relationship, to give yourself that time.

We will meet once every 2 weeks at my session space in Arnhem or online. In between sessions I am available via WhatsApp – for topics that have come up, things you would like to share or if you need support or reflection.

My session fee is € 150,- for a 75 minute session.

Would you like to know more?

Set up your first session and we will explore together if we are a fit.

I look forward to meeting you!

Love,

Anke

We absolutely loved working with Anke. Her approach made us feel so safe to open up, be vulnerable and work through some really difficult things. Shes truly helped us finder a deeper connection, build stronger foundations of trust and discover and embed better ways to communicate honestly and compassionately with one another, even after being in a relationship for a number of years. We would 100% recommend working as a couple with Anke, whether you’re looking for some TLC for your relationship or are working through some much more challenging things! ~ Michaela & Jake