Lately I am pondering, and writing, about the basic skills that create deeper connection. I like getting into the nitty gritty of what creates connection, and I also love making it simple, to the point where anyone can practise these basic skills whenever they want to.
One of the most simple – and profound – of these skills, is slowing down.
I was reaching out to people about our upcoming Art of Connection – Amsterdam Circling Weekend and I found myself sharing how these weekends are an excellent opportunity to practise your relational skills for dating and intimate relationships.
That might seem obvious, yet I would love to elaborate a bit on the why of this being a good idea.
A big reason for this is that we are online, all the time. We are constantly bombarded with information, and our brains and nervous systems never get a chance to really switch off. Which leads to higher levels of stress, burn-out and general unease and even disease.
So it is hugely beneficial to go offline for periods of time, not just for yourself, but for your business and job as well. Let alone for the quality of your connections.
It is summer! And I thought this was an excellent time to write a newsletter about the link between alcohol and (social) connection.
Alcohol has been social lubricant number one since forever, and with summer in full bloom (read: blasting heatwaves here in Amsterdam) I find myself in situations where I need some lubrication. And I am in full investigation into what this does to my levels of connection: feeling connected to myself, and others.
I realised recently that I do not often share my story of how I got into Circling: what pulled me to the practice, and what path I have walked in learning about, implementing and finally leading people in this relational journey, deeper home to themselves and their connection to others.
Well, as most of my journeys (used to) start: I started of with a shit ton of resistance.
One of the things I need to tell myself over and over again, is that I have permission to fuck up. And try again. And one of the things that are most impactful in the weekends and trainings I teach is hammering that same sentence in:
Asking for help. Of all the themes I work with clients on, this one is high on the list. It is a thing many people struggle with; a fear to reach out for support. They carry stories (“I am not good enough”, “I am not wanted”, “I am a nuisance”) that have them do everything by themselves. Every time I encounter this I feel sad. And tender. Because we human beings are not meant to go it alone.
So… how is your focus nowadays? If you have any at all in this time of constant input and distraction it is almost a miracle. Focus requires attention, choice, and eliminating what you do not want and what is less important to you.