You have permission to fuck up

One of the things I need to tell myself over and over again, is that I have permission to fuck up. And try again. And one of the things that are most impactful in the weekends and trainings I teach is hammering that same sentence in:

You have permission to fuck up.

I say ‘hammering’, because I see – with myself and others – that the force of the self critic (and the ‘having to be perfect’ to be loved) is strong. Really stubborn.

So I hammer a bit. And I let myself be hammered by my friends. In a good way obviously.

Because when I am triggered, activated or hurt, what goes out the window first is self-compassion.

I find it back, but it is always a little journey. And sometimes I need help.

When you are learning new things you will fuck up.

That is the whole point of learning something new. You do not know yet what you are doing or how to do it, so you will stumble and fall. And then you try again.

I find that trying again much more interesting than the fucking up.

Most successful business people will tell you they ‘failed’ plenty of times before this particular venture kicked off (and learned much more from the failings, than from this one going well)

Who cares if you fuck up? Life is not about being perfect.

Yet, I know that drive so well. I have to keep catching myself, over and over, and soften back into: “It is okay. I am okay”.

When my co-teacher Miriam shared “you have permission to fuck up” in our last Art of Connection weekend, you could feel the collective sigh of relief in the whole group. And we had to mention it about 10 times after. Because we saw people forget. So we reminded them.

It is okay. Fuck up. And try again.

But please do not stop trying.



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Coach, trainer & lover of all things human and relational. Supporting you in finding a deeper connection to yourself & others, so you can truly lead, wherever you are.

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