Facing fallibility: what I learned as a leader

A few weeks ago I facilitated the second weekend in the current Find Your Flavour – Circling Leadership Training.

As a leader, what came up for me in this process is the really clear realisation that I am fallible.

I cannot do everything, be everything, or have the capacity for whatever comes my way.

I have limits. I have my own triggers. I do not always know. I might not be the right person for the job, or for this person’s development.

Sure, I knew, from a mental point of view. But a young part of me was dead scared to be found out. To be seen in imperfection, mess, not knowing, reactivity. In the ‘impostor syndrome’ of “I am just me, I have no fucking clue what I am doing here”.

I am owning those things – and getting much better at it – in my personal life.

But in leadership: phew. I show authenticity, and often get praised for it. But to really acknowledge I did something I judge to be wrong, to acknowledge my limits, to accept I am not a fit for whatever is needed, that is a whole different ballgame.

And yet I showed up with it that weekend.

The sense of not being ‘on it’.
The high inner standards.
The not knowing and messy vulnerability.
The rawness and uncomfortability.
The realisation that “I should be able to do this” still often runs my show.

I can do a lot. But not everything. I can meet a lot in equanimity. And sometimes I get triggered as fuck. I love being with people where they are at. And sometimes I just can’t (be bothered).

Especially in leadership. Especially where the stakes are high. Where I am the person that is ‘supposed to be on it’. I often am. And sometimes I am not.

And that is okay.

I got to see that young part of me is terrified to be seen in mess and fallibility. And I got to experience that bringing this in led to people getting me more.

I feel touched writing this.

I love that this training brings this out, in others, and just as much in me. And sometimes I hate it.

I am fallible.

Love,
Anke

> The next round of Find Your Flavour starts in October. I am currently enrolling people. If you want to explore your own limits, ánd what you are really good at, come have a look at the details. And reach out for a no strings attached intake conversation when this resonates.

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Coach, trainer & lover of all things human and relational. Supporting you in finding more connection to yourself & others, wherever you are.

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