Stop fighting your reality

One of the things that has been very alive in my own practice the past months is this: not fighting my reality.

My reality has been very rough at times, and yet, when things started kicking off, I realised that resistance was futile.

I know all the ways to not be with my experience in the moment: numbing out, fighting it with thoughts (“I wish this was not happening, or that was happening”, or even “why is this happening?”), dreaming up scenarios I would prefer (in my head), dissociating, tensing my body and heart, even almost physically bracing against being here in the moment.

Where it hurt. But also where there was pleasure and joy (which can also be a lot to take it, I know it is for me).

Sounds familiar? If you say no, I won’t believe you. Beause we all do it.
That instinctive pulling away from what is here right now. Just because it is a lot. A lot to handle. Because it aches. Because it is messy and raw. Because it is human.

Yet over the years I have discovered that resistance is futile.

Because, no matter how hard you resist, you reality is still there. And going into it is where your aliveness lies.

Going into the rawness, the mess, the intensity, the beauty, the boredom, is where your connection with life lies. And I believe we are ultimately here to experience as much of life as we can.

And if you decide to hide or fight, life will simply wait for you, until you are ready to be with it. I know it made my rough few months easier to embrace as much of what was happening as I could, because with all the pain, I also felt my aliveness and my connection to my truth.

One way I do this, is to consciously relax all the places I find in my body that are resisting. I check in multiple times a day and just check: am I physically tensing? Relax. Am I emotionally preoccupied? Relax. Are my thoughts racing? Relax. It is a powerful way of doing things that has me more connected to the here and now. Instantly.

Another way that works wonders for me is this: pause. And allow myself to come to a place of radical acceptance for all there is. This book from the wonderful Tara Brach has helped me immensely with this.

And the last, and maybe even simplest way I do this, is to whisper, over and over again, every time I forget: “stop fighting..”

And soften into being here and now.


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Coach, trainer & lover of all things human and relational. Supporting you in finding a deeper connection to yourself & others, so you can truly lead, wherever you are.

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